Poop and Weight Labels

Many of you probably know what I think of arbitrary labels for children and weight–adults too for that matter!

Well, I had a funny conversation with a friend the other day and it illustrated the absurdity of it all. We are both moms, feeding our children very well, they sleep well, they have opportunity for physical activity, they are happy and thriving, they are growing in a steady and predictable way. One is at the very top of the growth curve and always has been, the other girl is at the very low end of the growth curve and always has been.

We both shared how we would get worried before their checkups because they are growing at the extremes of the bell curve, but are growing in a healthy way for them. What was crazy was that a few ounces one way or the other would mean a few percentile points. Perhaps enough to be labeled “obese” or “underweight” or flag some concern, when in reality, clinically all was well.

“I hated it when she pooped right before her visit, then I knew her weight would look like it went down,” my friend confided.  I chuckled, because my little one was pooping every other day, and it was more than a few ounces in my estimation.  ” I was worried if she didn’t poop!” I said. “If she pooped, she’d drop a couple percentile points, and no one would care!”

Because really, in small children a few ounces can make a big difference if you live in the land of the extremes and arbitrary labels. ( According to the bell curve, ten percent of us will live at the top and bottom five percents happily and healthily.) In a five-year-old girl, 5 pounds can span the range from “normal” to “obese.” And while a few pounds may not be clinically significant, telling the mom of a five-year old girl that her daughter is ‘obese’ IS significant.

Did any of you worry about weigh-ins?

A Great Snack!

As a mom of two (Tyler is five, and Austin is three), I’m always on the lookout for healthy foods my kids will eat. I’m pleased to report that I found a good one!

Target sells a brand of foods called Archer Farms. Some of them are even organic–which is the trifecta of snacks–healthy, good, and pesticide free! Archer Farms makes fruit bars and fruit strips. My kids love them both, but the fruit bars are especially good because they offer quite a bit of fiber, 4 grams for example in the delicious cranberry raspberry bars. Thanks, Target!

It’s a Car Party!

My sons, Tyler (age five) and Austin (age three) are at really fun ages. Ok, I’ve probably said that at every age and every stage, but it’s true. One of my favorite things about this stage is that while both boys have very very large vocabularies and can say anything they want, they can sometimes get expressions and subtle things mixed up.

Yesterday, it snows about an inch here, right at rush hour. Austin and I drove Tyler to school, and on our way home, approaching Main Street, we could see the traffic was lined up in all directions, going nowhere, total traffic jam. From the backseat, Austin observed, “Mommy, it’s a car party!”

What a wonderful way to put it!

Traditions, Traditions!

One of my most cherished holiday traditions since my sons Tyler (age five) and Austin (age three) were born was to decorate for the holidays at night when they were asleep. I loved it when they woke up the next morning, and I brought them downstairs to see the surprise and wonder in their eyes when they saw the newly decorated house. I’m sure to them it felt like magic.

But then they asked me if they could help decorate. Drat. “There goes all the fun of decorating myself,” I thought. Not to mention the efficiency of it! I could decorate for Halloween and Thanksgiving in a single evening! Christmas took two–one for the decorations and another for the tree. How long would it take now to decorate with my two little helpers?

A whole lot longer it turns out! We recently had the “Seven Days of Decorating for Christmas.” But actually it was a ton of fun! I traded that moment of wonder and surprise when my boys came downstairs for seven nights of wonder and surprise when we unpacked eight bins of Christmas decorations. They asked me where things came from, and I got to tell them that my Aunt Judy gave us the manger puzzle and my mom had used the angel music box in her home before she gave it to me.

It’s hard to let go of cherished traditions. But it’s a lot easier when they’re replaced with new ones.

The School Lunch Police

What’s the first thing you do when you pick up your child from school or daycare? Take a minute.

Many parents do a quick “hello” (some even skip that part) and then launch into quizzing about what and how much the child ate for lunch. Lunch boxes are handed over, opened and examined closely, followed by either,  “Good job! You ate all your sandwich!” or a “Why didn’t you eat your carrots?” I think it’s so automatic for many parents, they don’t realize they do it. What purpose does it serve? What do you do with that information?

One client I worked with around her son’s picky eating (he was basically subsisting on plane rice and pasta when they contacted me, much to his mother’s chagrin) admitted that the first things she did was check the big dry-erase board that listed all the kids and what and how much they ate from their packed lunches.  It was too much information. Her mood was up or down based on what her son ate that day, and she noted what all the other kids were eating and got depressed when her son was the “worst” eater. How could it not feel like a reflection of her mothering? Why was all her effort around encouraging, cooking with her son, begging, bribing and withholding desserts not helping?

The thing is, it’s hard to let go of control with feeding. If we feed with the Division of Responsibility, we put the food in the lunch box, with options that are balanced most days. The child chooses how much from what we pack. That’s it.

Then we plan and serve and sit with our child while they eat snack, and we get to do it again at dinner time. It’s a lot or work, and for parents feeding in the standard control model today, they are also responsible for how many portions of fruits and veggies, and how many calories, and how much sugar actually goes into the child. It’s too much and it’s not helping.

It’s hard to let go of the things we can’t and shouldn’t try to control.

My homework for that client one week was to not look at the dry-erase board. To let go what she could not control. To not let if and what he ate at lunch color her mood, heighten her anxiety and eventually lead to the  pressure, bribes and power struggles that were undermining rather than supporting her son’s learning around food.

Do you do the lunchbox rifling, the quizzing on the way home?

Here’s a challenge. For one week, be ignorant of what and how much your little one eats at lunch.

What would happen? Would you do things differently? Does it make it easier to not pressure or push at meals and snacks? Does your child notice? Wouldn’t it be nice to just start with, “I’m so glad to see you,” instead of,  “Did you eat all your sandwich?”

The True Meaning of Christmas

We have quite a number of Christmas books, and each year I pack them away with the rest of the Christmas decorations. This keeps them special, and safe, and it prevents my sons from asking to read ‘Twas the Night before Christmas in the middle of summer.

We’ve been getting out the holiday decorations, and so the books are now out in our reading nook at the top of our stairs. Last night, my husband was reading a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Christmas story to our two little “Mouseketeers.” When the book was finished, Mike asked Tyler (age five) and Austin (age three), “What is the true meaning of Christmas.”

Without missing a beat, Tyler said “Giving.”

Wow. Amen, little guy.