I’ll Give You $1

My husband was understandably upset last night. While he was outside working in the yard, one of our sons had been playing with, and misplaced, a new small shovel. He and the boys had looked everywhere for it, he said, and they can’t find it. “It’s gone,” he said.

“How far could it have gone?” I thought. “It’s only been missing for a few hours–in our yard.”

So at supper, I announced, “After we eat, we’re all going outside. I’ll give whoever finds that shovel $1.”

“But I didn’t lose it,” Tyler said. “Why should I help look for it?”

“Because we are a family, and we have a problem, and we solve problems together,” Wow, where did that come from? I swear I didn’t even think those words, they just came out of my mouth as if by divine intervention. But it worked. Tyler nodded his head. It made perfect sense to him. And to me!

Turns out, Tyler was the one who had lost the shovel after all! I awarded Austin the dollar, after he found the shovel that Tyler had dropped inside of one of my husband’s two-feet-tall pair of work boots, and forgotten about!

Lessons from the Royal Wedding

by guest blogger Jennifer Goldsmith Cerra

After months of breathless updates, the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is two weeks away. As a Canadian living in the United States, I confess a certain fascination with all things royal, an interest not generally shared by my American friends. After all, I grew up with Prince William’s grandmother on my currency, so it’s probably to be expected that I obsessively follow that family’s comings and goings.

That’s great, you say, but what does this have to do with the Mommy MD Guides?

Good question.

In my royal wedding watch the other day, I read that according to “close friends of the couple” (are these people invited?), William and Kate won’t wait long before starting a family. If that’s true, they’ll be following in the tradition of William’s parents, Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales, who announced they were expecting him a mere four months after their July 1981 wedding. Where they’ll differ: Kate would be at least 30 before an heir to the throne arrived (she’s 29 now), and Diana was 20 when she got married (and almost 21 when William was born).

A whole decade. Kate will be a mom in her thirties, whereas Diana began her motherhood journey barely into her twenties.

What do those 10 years mean? Apparently, a lot of moms in their thirties wouldn’t have it any other way, even though older women face increases risks of pregnancy complications and other health issues. A cross-section of articles I’ve scanned lately recounts women who say that “age really does come before wisdom” when you’re an older mom. While acknowledging the decline in fertility that comes with each decade, women often write that “beyond laying the foundation for career fulfillment and a happy marriage, many women say delaying pregnancy until their thirties also meant the freedom to get to know themselves better, before taking on motherhood.”

Certainly Diana’s marital woes, which began right after the wedding and accelerated after William’s (and later, his brother, Harry’s) birth, affected her understanding of who she was. In the 1990s, a few years older than Kate is now, Diana was finally able to carve out an impressive niche for herself as a crusader for land mine safety, the homeless, and a host of other charities. Meanwhile, Kate has already held a number of jobs, and she is already making her presence known in philanthropic circles. Another key difference: the age gap between William’s parents and their relatively brief courtship, which both felt strained their relationship. William and Kate are the same age, and they’ve been dating for nine years. They seem to have created a strong partnership that would seem to bode well for a new Wales.

Diana and Kate. While they’ll never know and learn from each other, we can learn from them. As a mother, Diana’s skills were very much in evidence, and today her sons are the embodiment of her success.  As a very young mom, she was able to give her sons the foundation they needed for a happy life. Chances are, as an “older” mom, Kate will do exactly the same.

So, as William and Kate prepare to walk down the aisle, let’s tip our hat to mothers of all ages: women with different perspectives based on life experience. Ultimately we all have one thing in common: the love we have for our children.

You Want to Eat What?

by guest blogger Robyn Swatsburg

“Mommy, can you buy a mango?”  A mango?  What does a mango looks like?  Can I buy a mango at Walmart?  And where did my four-year-old discover she loved mangos?  Preschool apparently.  Where do they come up with their ideas?  

So off I went in search of a mango.  At Walmart.   And lo and behold, Walmart does sell mangos.  Right there next to the apples.  How did I miss those before?   They are shaped like eggs, measure about the size of a soup can, and cost about $1.50 each. 

Now the next challenge.  How to eat a mango.  The preschool  teacher, I learned, peeled it and cut it with a knife.  I could do that.  I used a potato peeler and tried to cut it like an apple. No luck.  I discovered a very hard core inside.  Instead I shaved off slices. 

Yum.   I loved it, too.  Sweet and juicy.  And healthy.  “Mango’s are high in antioxidents,” Mommy.  How do they teach four-year-olds this stuff?

The greatest thing about a mango, I found, is that it can wait.  My goal to feed my family as much fresh fruits and veggies as possible contradicts my other goal to visit the grocery store as infrequently as possible.  So after the grapes, the bananas, and the berries are all gone, I still have the apples, oranges, and mangos in the fridge waiting to be eaten.  The mango.  Love it!  Another great idea from preschool.

Manners: Always in Style

by guest blogger Jennifer Goldsmith Cerra

The older I get, the harder it is to remember that I once was a child. Yes, I really was six, like our son Luke is now. He’s six in 2011; I was six in 1973. A simpler time, perhaps, compared to today, but let’s face it: while Elton John trilled Crocodile Rock, Walter Cronkite told us of Watergate, Vietnam, and inflation. Was I really six then? Yes. Today, Luke is growing up in an era of similar distrust of government, wars in progress, and economic challenge.

So while times change, they often stay the same.

Some things, however, are timeless. Values, empathy, caring for others. These important principles just don’t change in any decade. A recent trip to a local educational store brought that home – right into our home. Browsing the aisles, I spotted and bought a game called Mind Your Manners. Likely developed in the 1980s, this simple card game designed for kids 4 and up reinforces the importance of good manners at home and in public places.

Luke loves it. He asks us to play it every night. I like it because it’s the kind of game I can imagine my mom playing with me at that age.

The other night, Luke talked to my husband about something he’d learned from the game. “Daddy, you have to take your hat off when eating! That’s what I read on the card!” This is from a six-year-old who often likes silly Ace Ventura-type comedy gags (smelly though they may be!).

I guess you’re never too old – or too young – for good manners. In any year.

A real breakthrough, when I least expected it. Like a lot of moments in the parenthood journey, you take your opportunity when it presents itself, and are grateful for the chance.

Passing the Torch of Responsibility

Guest post by Michele Howe, author of Burdens Do a Body Good, Single Parenting Columnist

Kids make messes. Big messes. Small messes. Some we can laugh about, others, not so much. Little kids with chocolate smeared faces and sticky fingers can make us smile. Big kids with bad attitudes, failing grades, and a speeding ticket can make us weep. Messes, they’re a part of life and we might well ask how much of our time is spent cleaning them up, our messes and those of our kids. If we’re real honest, sometimes the two overlap and maybe, just maybe…our parental messes cause or provoke some of those our kids get mired in. Then again, maybe not. Messy stuff.

Either way, a mess of any significant proportion has to be faced and dealt with sooner rather than later. As parents we want to believe that we’ve done all we can to prepare our children for adulthood and for that next step of independence they’re continually clamoring for. And yet when we adopt that no longer helpful, “let me fix it for you” response to our older children’s actions, it gives us away. At this important stepping out juncture, we must ask ourselves hard questions. Are we enabling (excusing) or ennobling (exhorting) our offspring through our intervention? Mind-boggling, isn’t it, the mess we make by not understanding the difference. Moms enable their kids when they excuse or make excuse for their children’s poor choices. Moms can ennoble their kids by doing precisely the opposite. No excuses. No justifying. No condoning. Nothing doing. Nope. None of that. Not now, not ever. Not even a possibility. Clean it up, now. Mind your own mess.

Women, who give way and make excuses for their kids’ behavior, find it is easier in the short run. The kids don’t grouse or complain and they walk away feeling like they got away with something. And really, we know they didn’t, they know they didn’t. There’s no escaping from the repercussions of our decisions, be they little or large and to give kids a false sense of security on this front is mindlessly shortsighted at best. At worst, the messes our kids will make with their lives if they believe they can do what they want, when they want, and with whom they want, will only hurt them (and others) over the long stretch of adulthood.

Kids with moms who are perpetually cleaning up after them are (or likely will be) young adults who are ill equipped to stay in school, enter the job force, or sustain any type of lasting relationship…just won’t happen, especially when life gets messy-hard (and it will). Their messes will continue to getter bigger and more confounding, and with ever-widening circles of clutter. Messier and messier. Until no one, not even their family will want to get close enough to even attempt to unravel the monstrosity.

When moms excuse their kids from living responsibly it’s a simple case of “benign neglect” which in medical speak means, “watching a problem clinically without really treating it.” Moms can sit and observe their kids’ behavior while doing absolutely nothing about treating (or correcting it). This type of parental neglect couldn’t be more detrimental. Not to forget self-perpetuating. One mess-ridden pile on top of another. Painful. Neglectful. And it could be…preventable.

Takeaway Action Thought: While not all parent/child relational messes are avoidable, many of them are preventable.

Weight Bearing Exercises

Women are experts at cleaning up other people’s messes. Just comes naturally, that nurturing bent to help someone get through a tough time, overcome a difficulty, or simply walk alongside in friendly fashion. When it comes to taking care of their young adult children, roles necessarily shift and women can no longer dictate in their former “what’s best for you” mom-mode. Still, armed with facts in hand, moms can continue to be the “go-to person” when their kids have questions, concerns, or just aren’t sure. Given their kids will come to them for advice, moms need to know some of the mistakes made most often in health-related issues. See below for some of the commonest taken for granted areas of good health.

FACT: Children, teens and young adults live for the moment. From their standpoint, today is all that matters, tomorrow is too far away. As a result, they seldom think about what they do today and how it will affect them tomorrow or next month or even in years to come. Young people have little awareness that today’s choices can have profound effects on their health as an adult.

STATISTICS: According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 16 percent of today’s children ages 6 to 19 are overweight. This percentage represents 9 million children. Alarmingly, the number has tripled since 1980. The obese child is at risk for numerous health problems. These include diabetes, coronary artery disease, asthma, hypertension and sleep apnea.

PREVENTION: Experts agree that inactivity and poor eating habits contribute to obesity. National guidelines recommend 150 minutes of physical activity each week for elementary children and 225 minutes for older children. Most children do not meet this modest level of physical activity on a weekly basis.

CONSEQUENCES: It is important for parents to ensure that their children (teens, and young adults) eat a healthy balanced diet and exercise regularly. The CDC reports that 80 percent of obese 10-15 years olds become obese adults. Clearly, it is vital for parents to set the bar early on for a healthy weight and activity level as failure to do so will likely carry a lifetime of obesity related problems.

The Secret to Conversation

I didn’t learn the secret to conversation until I was well into my twenties. The best way to get a conversation going, or revive a flagging one, is to simply ask a question. I was such a shy kid and teen, and it’s amazing to think of how different my life would have been if I had learned this simple lesson earlier.

That’s why I’ve been so pleased and delighted to hear my son Tyler, now age 5, ask simple questions, with honest interest. When my husband gets home from work, Tyler asks, “How was work, Dad? Did you have a lot of fire calls?” When I get home from grocery shopping, he asks, “How was the store, Mom?” What a joy to see him learning this simple technique so early in life.