It’s Okay to Believe

by Julie Davidson

The tooth fairy. Santa. St Nick. They’re all a big part of many kids’ lives. But sometimes I feel like a liar.

Think about it. We tell our kids they’re safe in our home. We have sturdy doors with strong locks. We install security systems. Yep. We’re all safe and no one can get in the house. Except the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and St Nick. It sounds kinda hypocritical.

And you have to know your stuff when it comes to these characters. Miles once asked me, “Does the Tooth Fairy have wings?” I said yes because I thought she was somehow related to Peter Pan. And Santa does watch you. And has a very strict budget (this one is really not a lie). Oh, and he’s cousins with St. Nick. I think. And they hang with Kris Kringle.

And at school they talk about the Blanket Fairy. My guess is that this is the one that takes away your baby blanket when you no longer need it. I’m waiting to be asked were they take all those blankets after they retrieve them.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the Easter Bunny. This one baffles me the most. See, the bunnies in our backyard are small and on four legs. They don’t wear clothes. But the ones at the mall are like six and a half feet tall and standing on two legs. And they sport very snappy outfits. And why are they hiding eggs? They don’t even lay eggs. I’m thinking we should have an Easter Chicken.

The other day, Miles lost a tooth. He left his tooth under the pillow, and the next day he found a dollar under his pillow.

I was in his room right after he’d found the money. “Mom, did Dad put the money under my pillow?” Now is the time. Explain to him that the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, I thought. But as soon as I had that thought I felt sad.

I told him he could ask his Dad to find out. He just smiled and replied, “No. I’m pretty sure the Tooth Fairy is real.” Whew.

There’s something almost sacred about those childhood beliefs. It’s magical and mysterious. And they bring so much happiness to kids. How dare I bring an end to that? It will stop when it needs to. And that’ll be okay too because my son needs braces, and the Tooth Fairy will most certainly be contributing to that.

Don’t Toss That Out

by Julie Davidson

I’m known to be organized. I despise piles of clutter and useless items. I feel that aside from a possible reality TV show, hoarding is not a good thing.

That’s why my drawer in our kitchen makes me nervous. It’s known as “Mommy’s drawer.” That’s the drawer that houses scrap paper, pens, pencils, coupons, and cell phones. Yes, every cell phone we’ve had for the last decade is in there. Even though there are a lot of unuseful, non-essential items in the drawer, I try to keep it neat. But that is usually defeated once a week when the boys scavenge through it. Generally they’re looking for snacks or batteries. Neither one is ever there.

A few days ago during their weekly drawer raid, Miles noticed a cell phone I had bought more than a year ago. I remember how cool it looked in the commercial. Was it really necessary for someone at my age to have a “cool” phone? Apparently so. Turns out it was the worst phone ever. Texting was a nightmare, and I kept butt dialing people. The same people. So after six months, I ditched it and got a new phone. And in my drawer the cool but not-so-cool phone sat until Miles noticed it the other day.

It was like he’d found gold. “Mom. This phone is so cool. Can I have it?” Those were almost the exact words I said when I saw it at the mall.

“Honey, it isn’t activated. You can’t call anyone with it.”

He wasn’t listening to me. He found the charger and was juicing it up. “Mom! It’s alive! The phone works!”

Just as he said that, Max walked in. I had about two minutes to find a phone for him before a fight erupted. I found my old Palm Pilot. I stopped using that because it was big and clunky and I had to charge it constantly.  Of course I didn’t tell Max that. Oh no. I convinced him it was just as cool as the phone Miles had found.

Turns out these gadgets were amazing. The boys spent the better part of one afternoon figuring out what still worked on them. They discovered they could use the calculator, play music and take pictures. But the mother of all wonders was the ability to videotape. They taped audio from the radio and from the TV. They taped each other, making faces, and funny noises. Their most prized video was of them rapping. I can hear the lyrics now. “My brother’s on the couch. Yeah. My brother’s on the couch. Yeah. My brother’s on the couch. And my mom’s over there.” P Diddy would be so proud.

That night when the boys were asleep, I found Miles’s phone and looked at his videos. Not like I thought his raps had gone gangster style, but I was curious to see what was on there. Mostly it was videos of his brother smiling a cheesy smile. And there were several carpet shots with audio from the radio playing in the background. They became more sophisticated as he used it more. He mastered taping his face while singing along with the radio. It was an audio diary of his day. Complete with a clip of me in the car threatening to pull the car over if their behavior didn’t straighten up. He taped that? Hmm….I must show him how to delete the not-so-good clips.

They were teaching themselves and each other about technology. They were taking care of their new found items. They were creating and sharing. Oh yes, I’m searching that drawer inside and out for anything that rings, lights up, or turns on. This may be the best recycling program yet!

What’s so Funny?

by Julie Davidson

I can’t remember when I met Megan. Our parents were close friends, so it’s likely we met when we were toddlers. But what I do remember is her laugh. She would laugh. Then I would laugh. It was that pee-in-your-pants can’t stop laughing kind of laugh.

I honestly don’t know what we laughed about, but it was always uncontrollable. I remember being in church and her parents let us sit in the pew in front of them. The laughing began and I was sure we would get kicked out of church. You know it’s gotta be good when you risk being booted out of God’s house.

I witness the same with my boys. And it doesn’t take much. Burps and passing gas are especially good to start the giggles. It’s a vicious cycle. The more they pass gas, the more they laugh which only makes them want to pass more gas. I know this is awful, but on more than one occasion my husband and I have told the boys to stop the behavior, but we can’t do it with a straight face. We start laughing too. Yes, we know it compromises our authority as parents but there are times we simply can’t help it.

The summer my mom died was the worst summer ever. I was angry and sad. I hadn’t laughed in weeks. A couple months later, I was at a friend’s wedding, and at one point I began laughing. I laughed so hard I remember my sides hurt. It was the Megan laugh. This went on for about 10 minutes, and I finally asked one of my friends what was wrong with me. “You’re having a good time. Duh.” I didn’t expect her to understand my grief, but I was so relieved to know I could laugh again.

This past weekend we were driving back from dinner, and the boys were in the back seat. They were recording themselves on the cell phone and playing it back right away. Over and over. And each time they did they laughed. I looked at my husband. His grin turned into a laugh. I thought the whole scenario was ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. There we were all of us laughing at the same time.

Grown up life can be serious. Too serious at times. Jobs, parenting, marriage, health, and financial issues. Somehow there doesn’t always seem to be a lot of humor in those things. But it wasn’t always that way. So the next time you feel like laughing, let it out. That kid giggle is in there somewhere. You’ll know when you wet your pants or get a side ache.

When I’m 18

by Julie Davidson

Remember as a kid looking forward to getting older? Getting set for that next big thing? Attaining a certain right of passage.

I had a list of things I couldn’t wait for when I was young. Getting my ears pierced, wearing makeup, getting my driver’s license, having a boyfriend.

When my youngest, Maxon, was five years old he announced, “I can’t wait til I’m 18, so I can have guns and smoke.” I was stunned. Guns and smoke? I felt like adding, Don’t forget the booze and trampy women. But I couldn’t. I was speechless (which rarely happens).

I mean, hadn’t we set a good example of positive things to work for? Suddenly I had visions of my son living his version of the “good” life. Yep. Mr. Cool walking around with a pack of Marlboros rolled up in his sleeve.

That was two years ago. I thought it would be interesting to find out if his answer had changed, so I asked him what he looks forward to about being 18 now. “Nothing.” Was his first response. Nice. This made the smokey treats look good.

On to the oldest. I was curious to hear if he was also looking forward to nothingness. He had a list of things he was excited to do when he turned 18. “ I can vote. I can drive a car and get a cell phone. I can buy my own stuff.” Okay, I was feeling better now.

I gave it a rest for a little while, but my Virgo instinct told me I had to get back to that question for my youngest son. But I modified it a bit. This time I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up.

He told me he wanted to be a police officer. Now, we’re getting somewhere. That was far from doing nothing. But I decided not to ask anymore questions. Those answers are likely to change every time I ask.

Make Healthy Foods a Priority

When my sons were little, I always felt as if I had a hundred things to do, and at least half of them needed to be done immediately. There were clothes to wash and fold, floors to sweep, meals to make, and phone calls to return. It was a challenge for me to put all these pressing tasks completely out of my mind at breakfast, lunch, and dinner so that I could focus my attention on preparing healthy, delicious meals. The temptation was great to call out for pizza and hot wings, but I knew that it was critical to get my kids eating right from the start.

Children need a balanced diet consisting of three meals a day and two nutritious snacks, that provides key nutrients for growth and development including:

• Protein: to build healthy muscle and tissue
• Carbohydrates: the body’s primary source of energy
• Fat: stored for energy and to transport essential fat-soluble vitamins
• Calcium: to support healthy, strong bones and teeth
• Fiber: to help keep the gastrointestinal system clean and running smoothly

Of course, I quickly learned that I could prepare the healthiest food in the world, but my kids might not eat it! That’s when I realized that eating should be fun. Kids are more likely to eat fruits, vegetables, and other nutritious foods if they’re fun and easy to eat.

If you can get your child to put her hands on his food, there’s a good chance it will end up in his mouth! Cut your child’s food into fun shapes and sizes. For example, you can cut apples into building blocks, slice celery and carrots into quarters to make logs, and cut broccoli and cauliflower florets so that they look like miniature trees.      

Kids love dipping and decorating their food, and this often leads to eating! Fill a small container with yogurt or a wholesome type of salad dressing, such as one made with olive oil, and allow your child to dip away.  Or fill a squirt bottle with yogurt or salad dressing and allow her to decorate her food. Nutritious food can be fun, and when it is, kids will eat it!

—Rallie McAllister, MD, MPH, a mom of three and grandmom of one, coauthor of The Mommy MD Guide to Pregnancy and Birth and The Mommy MD Guide to Your Baby’s First Year, and a member of the PediaSure Mom Brigade.

Looking for Daughters-in-Law

by Julie Davidson

I never liked the idea of arranged marriages. Until I had my own children. I used to go to playgroups and scout possible future dates for my boys. Oh go ahead and judge me. But not before you do, consider this. Social Security will be dried up, this debt ceiling mess will be even worse, and 401Ks and pension plans will barely cover your basic necessities.

My point? I need daughters-in-law. Really good ones. Boys are wonderful, but who knows when they’ll be back to visit? When they say “See you later” they mean later. Like anytime later.

I got so frustrated with the boys one day I told them I’d had it with their whining. “When you get your own house, I’m coming over at 6 in the morning, and I’m gonna pee in my adult diaper and whine and cry, until you let me in and feed me cereal!”

“That’s just gross,” Max said with a look of disgust on his face.

Naturally, Miles had to add his two cents. “I’m not gonna let you in. I know how old people smell.” Under the bus!  That response confirms my belief that I’m not gonna be in some no-name nursing home, sitting alone in the hall while the underpaid caretakers pass me by.

One of my brothers has already advised me to get in good with my sons’ girlfriends. Makes total sense to me. He’s got three boys and a Ph D, which is a winning combination in my book. But I took it a step further. I’m thinking if I find suitable mates for the boys, I can be sure to get good daughter-in-laws! Then I won’t be sitting alone on the nursing home hallway.

Ultimately, the boys will choose their own mates. But I’d be crazy not to try to influence them a bit. I mean I’m not just gonna pick any floozy. These are my boys for goodness sake. I have guidelines. They have to love my boys, be nice, smart. All that good stuff. But they cannot put me in a nursing home. Well, maybe that’s inevitable. But they have to visit me-and get me out of that hallway!

Don’t Be Jealous—Be Glad

by Julie Davidson

I have never believed you can have it all. Well not all at once. When I stayed home with the boys, I wondered if I should put the kids in daycare and go back to work fulltime. Now that I do work fulltime, I wonder if I should be home.

My husband has time off in summer and is staying home with the kids. I figured they’d all be bored and wondering what to do. Being proactive, I went ahead and made lists of things to do and places to go.

Throughout the day I check in when I have a minute. I love to find out what’s going on. Two weeks ago I saw my husband’s FB update. It was a picture of our kids-at the Jelly Belly tour! Jelly Belly? I was kinda jealous. I had meant to take the kids for years.

There’s plenty of times I call my husband only to get his voicemail. My mind gets curious. Where are they? Last week I when I called them my oldest was in the background telling me about the new water park they went to. Bummer. I had been hoping to take them to Hoyt Park one of these days.

It has been one fun event after another. One afternoon within 30 minutes of returning home from work all three of them were off to go fishing. No Moms allowed! Two days later they jumped out of bed at the crack of dawn to the same fishing hole.

For a minute I was feeling slighted. It seemed that for years the boys needed me far more than my husband. Then I remembered how I often I tell the boys how lucky they are not just to have a Dad, but a Dad that likes to take them places and do fun stuff.  

The other night my youngest son fell out of bed. He called for me. Okay, call off the pity party. They still need me. And honestly the idea of putting night crawlers on a hook doesn’t sound like my style.

Introduce Healthy Foods First

Fostering good childhood nutritional habits can lead to lifelong healthy eating habits. But that’s easier said than done. Moms today race through life at speeds that should be envied by NASCAR drivers, but our pit stops are all to easy to make at the local drive-thru. Do you want fries with that?  Who can resist?

With parents pulled in so many directions at once and so many less-than-ideal nutritional choices so easily available, some children don’t eat the nutritious foods they should. This is a real problem because every growing child needs protein, calcium, fiber, and other critical nutrients.  

I was determined not to introduce chicken nuggets and French fries to my children until they had sampled every fruit and vegetable under the sun. One of the physicians in my residency program had started feeding her daughter chicken nuggets when she was just a baby, and that child didn’t want to eat anything else. If she couldn’t have those chicken nuggets, she’d clamp her jaws shut, and then she would refuse to eat whatever she was offered.

I figured that if babies found chicken nuggets and French fries that addictive, I’d just bypass them altogether. I started feeding my boys tiny pieces of bananas and grapes and other fruits, and then moved on to bits of cheese, meat, and cut-up vegetables. Fortunately, none of my boys ever developed a serious addiction to chicken nuggets or French fries.

—Rallie McAllister, MD, MPH, a mom of three and grandmom of one, coauthor of The Mommy MD Guide to Pregnancy and Birth and The Mommy MD Guide to Your Baby’s First Year, and a member of the PediaSure Mom Brigade.

Fire Flies

by Julie Davidson

I’m not certain if it’s because of the heatwave, but I’ve noticed an abundance of fire flies around our yard this year. My youngest, Max, was out catching them a few nights back.

After he’d caught one, he proudly brought it over to me and explained, “They light up, and they look for girls at night. Did Daddy light up when he was looking for you?” I thought back to that David Sanborn concert 14 years ago. Well, he smiled a lot. That’s close to lighting up.

Max was looking at me, waiting for my answer. “Yeah. Daddy did light up for me. Why do you think the fire flies are looking for girls?” I asked, knowing this could be dangerous territory.

Miles, my oldest, very matter-of-factly answered before Max had a chance to. “They’re looking for someone to mate with.” Gulp.

Now I was curious. How much of this “mating” stuff did he understand? My mind panicked with ideas of stuff he might have heard on the street. Did he hear something at camp? Could the sitter have let them watch an R-rated movie? Instead of playing Angry Birds on my iPhone, was he looking at You Tube videos?

I was getting close to the edge now. “Do you know how babies are made?” But inside I was thinking, No! No! Don’t tell me. I can’t take it.

Clueless about my anguish over the situation, he continued, “Well you mix your DNA with Dad’s.” What? That’s it? It was like expecting to get a shot in my arm and instead I got a gentle pat. Yeah. DNA mixing. Kinda like making cookies. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. I like the sounds of that.

“You know, Mom, like you and Dad. First you gotta meet someone. Like maybe on the computer. Like the website Zoosk.” What the? I had no idea what he was talking about. Website? What is a Zoosk and how does he know about it? Maybe he meant Dr. Seuss. Now that I’m okay with. You know, Green Eggs and Ham, Fox and Sox, Oh the Places You’ll….

My Dr. Seuss moment was interrupted as the conversation continued. “When I’m older, I’m going on Zoosk to find a girlfriend.” And continued. “Can I get a girlfriend in high school if I show them to you? You know to make sure they are nice. Can I?”

Listen here, Zoosk. My kid is still a kid. He sleeps with his teddy bear. The only female allowed in his room besides me is the Tooth Fairy. His closet is filled with Legos. He hasn’t lost all his baby teeth yet. Santa trumps you any day. And he doesn’t need a girlfriend; he’s eight! Back off, you website thing…or whatever you are. Go back to wherever you came from! We’re going went back to catching fireflies. My husband can teach them how to light up for the ladies. He did just fine, if you ask me.