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Are You Sure You Don’t Have One of These?

September 8, 2011 by  
Filed under Uncategorized

by Julie Davidson

There’s just so much curiosity about bodies with my boys. Which is why I stopped sharing a bathroom stall in public places with them.
I have never been a fan of sending them alone in the men’s room. So, for a while I took them with me into the restroom for women. In order to save time and not have anyone lock themselves in a stall, we’d all cram into one.

Well, the last time we did this ritual my youngest son used the toilet first. Then my oldest. Finally it was my turn. As soon as I assumed my squat position my youngest son went to the back of the toilet to get a view-of my back side.

He sounded confused as he asked, “Where’s your penis?”

Oh man. I was just trying to pee without hitting the back of my pants in this cramped position. Suddenly my concentration was broken. In my mind I imagined what the lady in the next stall was thinking, “Well, where is your penis?”

While this line of questioning took place, my oldest was trying to get out of the stall. I had one hand on the door, trying to keep it shut and the other on my youngest pulling him away from behind me as he keeps looking at my butt. It was like a really bad version of the game Twister. Only this version had a child repeatedly saying, “Mom, I wanna see your penis!”

“I don’t have a penis!” I finally told him.

I don’t know if I have the vocabulary to describe the look on his face. I think horrified would be best. “You have to have a penis! Otherwise you can’t pee!”

All I wanted was to get in and out of there as fast as I could. Now I was forced to break down the anatomy of girls and boys. And honestly I wasn’t so sure I was qualified to do that.

So when taking the boys into the women’s restroom became a traveling side show I decided it was time they use the men’s room. Now I stand as close to the door as I legally can, and in a loud voice say, “Hey guys everything okay? There aren’t any wierdos in there are there?” More times than not I get stares from adult men leaving the bathroom, but trust me, it keeps the weirdos away.

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