Now You Get It
by Julie Davidson
You might have read about the family that called 911 from a corn maze. They had a newborn and a five year old with them and panicked when they couldn’t find their way out. My first thought was, C’mon how can you get lost in a corn maze?
The next week, we met some other families for an afternoon of fun in a corn maze. Before we ventured into the maze, the staff showed us a video and a map of the corn maze. And they went over the rules. Rule number two was no foul language. That should have been my first clue that this was not for me. I can safely say that after two hours of wandering through a corn maze, with hungry kids, as the cold and darkness settled in, while trying not to use inappropriate language, I can totally see how you can get lost in a corn maze. All you see is corn. Lots and lots of corn.
And how about those parents that accidentally lock their infants in the car? To this day, I can not figure out how I managed that one. But I did. My firstborn was about four months old and sound asleep in his infant carrier. What should have been a quick stop at Goodwill turned into 30 minutes of “Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God” with a steady stream of sweat to accompany it. I got out to hand a bag of donated goods to an employee and when I turned around and went to open the door, it was locked. And the heat was blasting on high. I could not have felt like a worse mother. To make matters worse, I had gotten in a tiff with my husband earlier, and I wasn’t sure he would take my call. He did, and the car was unlocked before the baby was even awake. I will say that is one of the quickest ways to drop five pounds in one day.
Breastfeeding in public ever bother you? I didn’t get it until I had kids. It’s not a peep show. There’s no stripper pole or flashing. The choice is simple: a kid screaming so much he has area dogs covering their ears complete with a frenzied and lactating mom or a happy baby with a Mom who isn’t leaking through her bra. So yeah, who wouldn’t feed on-the-go if she had the chance? Think of it as a mobile, maternal vending machine.
Prior to having kids, I believed that my kids would never eat fast food. I am not proud of the fact that they have frequented a certain fast food chain enough that they practically know the menu by heart! And I’ve even let them eat that fat laden food in front of the television. Which of course some say is using such an electronic device as a baby sitter. I’d rather call it mother’s assistant. You gotta pay a sitter.
Who understood the stern tone moms take while shopping with the kids? Easy in. Easy out. Nope. The kids want to sit in the cart. The one that looks like a real truck. It might as well be registered with the DOT. Those things drive like Mack Trucks, and there is virtually no way to turn them around in the aisle. You have to back them up. All while little arms are reaching out, knocking things off the shelves. Two words: manager’s nightmare.
All the stuff we just didn’t get—until we got it.