You Want Kids, Right?
by Mommy MD Guides blogger Julie Davidson
I never got a chance to speed date. When I first heard about it, I thought it sounded so rushed. How well can you get to know someone in 15 minutes? But then the more I thought about it, it seemed very efficient. Think about it. Why date someone for several months and find out things in slow motion when in less than a half hour you can get to the nitty gritty. You could potentially save time, money, and heartbreak just by being in the know.
With speed dating, you can have a list of prepared questions to ask each potential mate:
Describe your personality.
What type of work do you do?
How do you spend your spare time?
Do you want kids? If so, how many, what gender, what names, and how soon would you like to start?
Now there’s a chance, that you will scare away men like the plague. But for the handful that hang around, you’ll know where they stand on things.
Charles and I didn’t speed date. But we did date fast. We got engaged three months after we began dating. Within the first couple weeks of dating, we were talking about having kids. It was at an Arby’s restaurant. Between the curly fries, soda, and roast beef sandwiches, we shared what we hoped our future family looked like.
Luckily we were in total agreement. Still, I had to be prepared. It doesn’t always turn out that way. It’s one thing if one of you doesn’t like seafood. You get anchovies on half the pizza. Or only one person likes to workout. They can get a membership at the Y. But really, what happens if you think you have Mr. Right and he doesn’t want kids? At all. Not one. Not a half of one. Baby butts, gummy smiles, and chubby cheeks don’t do it for him. That could be an issue. People easily change their mind on whether or not they want a house with three or four bedrooms. You can take bath towels back if you can’t agree on the color. But kids? I’ve had two, and I have yet to figure out a way to get them back in.
15 minutes. Or 15 months. Some conversations just have to happen. And while you’re putting yourself out there, you might as well get his take on diapers, middle of the night feedings, and housecleaning But maybe do it at a restaurant. That way if you don’t get the answers you were hoping for, at least you’ll get a dinner out of it.