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The Blame Game

March 14, 2013 by  
Filed under Julie Davidson

by Mommy MD Guides blogger Julie Davidson

Do you ever blame someone or something because you don’t want to take the fall or because there is no logical explanation? All this time, I thought I had done something horrible to make my left foot bigger! Maybe I chewed more on my left side. Or was it because I was right-footed and my left foot never got an adequate workout? Was it some left-brain/right-brain thing?

The truth is that both feet were wide and squishy (pretty much like the rest of me during pregnancy), and it wasn’t until well after having kids that I noticed the left foot was noticeably larger than the right. I kept thinking it was the shoes I was wearing. As if, ironically, every shoe was tighter on the left side. Shoe shopping is as dreaded as trying to find a two-piece bathing suit. One size never fits both parts, and something is always hanging out.

But alas, there is something to pin the blame on: pregnancy. A study was done that confirms that something happens to your arch during pregnancy and a woman’s feet may get bigger. Okay, so the study was more scientific, with anatomical terms and stuff. But who cares about all the jargon? It’s not our fault!

So yeah. Let’s see what else pregnancy can take credit (or blame) for. Welcome stretch marks. Okay, a moment of truth. I had a few (who’s counting) stretch marks before pregnancy. Somehow, between my carefree I-can-eat-anything years of my twenties and the oh-my-goodness, I-have-muffin-tops reality of my thirties, I lost and gained a few pounds, thus resulting in the appearance of stretch marks. But (besides you), no one knows that. So, blame away!

It wouldn’t be fair to leave the legs out of this game. Some of us have things down the backs of our legs. No. Not tattoos. Varicose veins. Mine got to the point where they looked like Google maps. Like you were looking at an aerial view of a mountain range. That extra weight is bound to have an effect on the very things that have to carry you.

Say hello to your hormones. They will be responsible for your forgetting simple things. Like people’s names. And your social security number. And something else, but you can’t remember what it was! And when you aren’t feeling anxious, you can thank your hormones for your feeling as if you had just watched an hour of back-to-back Hallmark commercials. Tissue, please.

That last trimester is when things move and settle. Like on your bladder. Ever heard of “sneeze pee”? You know, when people sneeze and a little bit of pee comes out. Well, at around seven months, it’s more than sneeze pee. It’s more like a walk pee, a talk pee, and a breathe pee.

So blame away while you can! No need to rush into taking the fall for everything. There’ll be plenty of time for that.

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